Pimped!

Send Happy Orc on a Motorcycle Day cards to all your friends, buy little Orc on a Motorcycle chocolates and play Orc on a Motorcycle games with your children. You be the motorcycle, they be the orc.

If the Orc on the Motorcycle can have this much fun, so can you!

Happy Orc on a Motorcycle Day!

I’ m on a bit of a Paladin binge right now. Can you tell?

Y’see, now I want to see the Battle of Pelennor Fields with heavy blasters, lasers, rocket launchers and the Fellowship wielding Light Sabers. AND I WANT IT NOW!

Time to crack open Warty’thou.¹

Any similarity to that scene in Fifth Element is entirely intentional.²

“Finally I have you!” The scarred orc warrior held the Paladin effortlessly over the parapet ledge, his platemail’d feet dangling helplessly above the 200′ drop. “You killed my son!” the orc yelled, the pain and grief written deep into his yellow eyes.

“I AM your son!”

They came hard, and fast. The Five From Above, sundwellers who invaded their torchlit home and laid waste to the orc tribe. A full quarter of the warriors were slain with the shaman and clan chief’s bodies left where they fell without rite or ritual. Of Grubash’s only son there was no sign, and he himself was left seriously wounded by the attack. It took many moons for him to recover, and each hour he swore an oath of vengeance for his fallen son.

When he could finally walk without the help of a couple of whelps, Grubash left the clan and the darkness he called home. Armed only with his well-worn axe and what few clues he had gained by forcing the rest of his clan to tell and re-tell the attack, Grubash left all he knew behind. Only one word was on his lips: revenge!

Dirty little secret: Grubash’s son did not fall in the battle but instead saw the attack as his chance to escape the harsh life of the dungeon. He hid and followed the adventurers to the surface where he pledged an oath of service to the Paladin leader of the party. When he was slain in battle, Grubash’s son took up his mantle and armour in his stead and is now a recognised hero in his own name.

Notes: If you’re stuck for a character concept there’s nothing funner than taking a tried-and-tested trope from a different genre and giving it a sharp twist. Try it and see!

Grubash Moonrunner, level 6
Orc, Fighter
Build: Battlerager Fighter
Fighter Talents: Battlerager Vigor
Background: Out for Revenge (+2 to Endurance)

FINAL ABILITY SCORES
Str 19, Con 17, Dex 12, Int 11, Wis 13, Cha 10.

STARTING ABILITY SCORES
Str 16, Con 14, Dex 12, Int 11, Wis 13, Cha 10.

AC: 21 Fort: 20 Reflex: 15 Will: 15
HP: 62 Surges: 12 Surge Value: 15

TRAINED SKILLS
Intimidate +8, Athletics +11, Endurance +12

UNTRAINED SKILLS
Acrobatics +3, Arcana +3, Bluff +3, Diplomacy +3, Dungeoneering +4, Heal +4, History +3, Insight +4, Nature +4, Perception +4, Religion +3, Stealth +3, Streetwise +3, Thievery +3

FEATS
Level 1: Victor’s Confidence
Level 2: Deep Gash
Level 4: Mobile Challenge
Level 6: Potent Challenge

POWERS
Fighter at-will 1: Brash Strike
Fighter at-will 1: Crushing Surge
Fighter encounter 1: Bell Ringer
Fighter daily 1: Brute Strike
Fighter utility 2: Boundless Endurance
Fighter encounter 3: Blinding Smash
Fighter daily 5: Brutal Advance
Fighter utility 6: Battle Awareness

ITEMS
Flesh Seeker Battleaxe +2, Summoned Chainmail +2, Cape of the Mountebank +1, Adventurer’s Kit

Don’t look!

Oh. You already looked.

Sorry. My bad.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Free dental.

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DAZ Studio, no postwork. Click to enlarge.

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If I could make one picture that sums up D&D for me, this is it. Here’s the moment before initiative is rolled with the Orcs and Goblins in wait and prepared for the Heroes’ arrival. It’s the tense expectation before the dice are rolled and blood is spilled. Will the heroes prevail, or will they become so much goblin chow?

As an encounter for 4e D&D (or any edition, for that matter), it’s a simple enough one to set up:

Orc Ambush, Level 3 Encounter, 800XP

- Difficult Terrain and fallen columns in centre (provides cover for Small creatures)

- False Floor Trap (100XP)

- Goblin Blackblade x2 (100XP ea)

- Orc Raider x2 (150XP ea)

- Orc Eye of Gruumsh x1 (200XP)

This should be a hard fought battle for 1st-3rd level PCs where the key is to push back, and push often. Get some distance between you and the Orcs’n'Goblins through cunning use of Shifting and rely on Close and Ranged attacks. Get up close and personal in Melee and these monsters definitely have the edge. Watch out especially for the Goblin Blackblades using their Sneaky ability to bait-and-switch in an Orc Raider when you least expect it.

As for that arrogant S.O.B. Eye of Gruumsh – good luck! Eye of Wrath alone justifies his presence on the battlefield (a minor at-will fear effect which gives you -4 AC? Ouchy!). Add in Chaos Hammer (which knocks you Prone – this gives the Blackblades Combat Advantage for an additional 1d6 damage) and Swift Arm of Destruction (gives one nearby Orc a free basic melee attack) and this one one Orc you seriously want out of action ASAP. Award bonus XP if the heroes somehow get him into that Pit Trap and keep him there.

Small characters might think it’s best to head behind the fallen pillars for some much needed cover (if they can dislodge the Goblins, that is). That’s when the Orc Raiders will just grin, heft their Handaxes and use their Killer’s Eye to ignore cover penalties.

If the heroes choose to negotiate….. nah. Not gonna happen. Not this time. These Orcs are ready to rumble. We’re way past talking here.

I think that covers all the bases. One encounter, one render. All Dungeons & Dragons.

Love it!

PS: Check out this post for a special freebie!