Foods that could be D&D monsters, but aren’t

Food is brilliant, and not only for the reason that it tastes so good. Food has its own language, evocative words which conjure up images, tastes and smells like nothing else. What if we used those words and turned them into D&D monsters? Here’s a handful. Feel free to add more!

Baguette
Like a Bulette, but longer and crustier.

Black Pudding
A black pudding.

Cardamom
A four-wheeled denizen of the Abyss.

Celery
A form of magic practised by merchants.

Chicken Slaad
A particularly cowardly resident of the Outer Planes.

Filet
A female horse.

Filet Mignon
A female horse with 1 hit point.

Gnome Stew
A tasty and nutritious dish. Watch out for small bones.

HobNob
A large and noble goblinoid.

Okra
Demon Lord who hosts a talk show on the 333rd layer of the Abyss.

Pork
An impoverished orc.

Quiche
An undead Quasit wizard.

Quorn
An unholy cross between a Quasit and a Xorn.

Radish
Small red-skinned gnomes with green hair. Known for their fiery tempers.

Rack of Ribs
Slang term for a horde of skeletons.

Rib Eye
An undead Beholder.

Tofu
See Quorn.

Now it’s your turn!

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7 Responses

  1. You forgot:

    Guacamole: A particularly large, and unwell looking, Dire Mole.

  2. greywulf says:

    I like it! I’ll also add this one:

    Cucumber-Hulk: Looks just like a regular Umber-Hulk, but turns green and muscular when you make it angry. Cucumber-Hulk smash!

  3. x-humed says:

    It’s not mine but toon used to feature a Unicorn-on -the-cob.

  4. Thunderforge says:

    I’d love to have the party fight The Leftovers from Last Night! Maybe some wizard was so upset about the wasteful decadence of the aristocracy while the peasants starved, so he enchanted all their wasteful food to attack them!

    (By the way, I really don’t care for the new toolbar at the bottom of the screen. It makes the site too complex).

  5. Rich says:

    I’m surprised no one mentioned: “Brownie Mix”. It’s ground up, dehydrated, and magically reconstituted versions of the little fae-creatures. Just add water and eggs and heat and you have a great treat for orcs, trolls, ogres and the like. ;)

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