Ahhhh Conan. The archetypal Bar……. WHAT? Bard? You been smokin’ those Myconids again, ain’tchya Grey? Bear with me here, and I’ll convince you that not only is Conan is kissass awesome Bard, it’s the only logical class choice for the mighty Cimmerian. Read on.

Let’s start with Conan’s Race shall we? Clearly, there’s only one choice. Half-Elf. Cimmerians are descendants of the ancient Atlanteans, and everyone knows that the original residents of Atlantis were elves. So, Conan is a Half-Elf. An outsider. Yep. That fits.

Starting at 1st level, Conan’s stats are as follows:

Str 12, Con 16, Dex 13, Int 11, Wis 10, Cha 18

He’s tough, wiry, smarter than average and surrounded by an aura of awesome. He takes the Fighter’s Cleave as a per Encounter Power thanks to the Half-Elven Dilettante ability, and Sneak of Shadows gives him the Thievery skill training and Sneak Attack. He’s starting life as a triple-classed Bard/Fighter/Rogue. That’s his bloody swathe cutting sorted, right there.

On to his Bard Powers. This Conan is all about The Look. If this were Third Edition D&D, he’d have Perform(Intimidate) and he’s not afraid to use it. His blade is his instrument and his dance is death itself. Or something.

As this is 4e D&D, for his at-will Powers he takes Guiding Strike and War Song Strike. Both are melee weapon based and based of his Aura of Conan… I mean, his Charisma. His attacks are true and his blade is keen not because he’s the strongest or biggest – but because he’s fuckin’ Conan! Oh yeh.

War Song Strike is a doozy. Conan hits, and anyone else who joins in his slaughter (ie, hits the same target) feels invigorated (gains temporary hit points) because they’re fighting alongside Conan himself! He takes Inspiring Refrain as a per Encounter to further let his allies bask in his awesomeness and Slayer’s Song as his Daily. There is no greater Conanesque Power on the planet. Add in Conan’s Sneak Attack, and the poor victim might as well kneel down and beg to be run through by his sheer awesomeness.

At level 2, Conan the Bard takes Warrior of the Wild, so he’s now effectively a quadruple-classed Bard/Fighter/Rogue/Ranger. This gives him the Nature Skill and Hunter’s Quarry to hearken to Conan’s time in the wilderness of his homeland. For his Utility Power he takes Inspire Competence – which roughly translates to “do it or I’ll cut your hands off.”. Inspiring words, indeed.

Conan’s 3rd level brings him the Cunning Ferocity Encounter Power. This is a pure evil wolfpack tactic power – Conan hits, then the rest of the pack descend on the same foe. Conan is nothing if not brutal.

4th level brings sees Conan boost his Strength and Dexterity and taking the Berserker’s Fury Feat – he’s now a quintuple-classed Bard/Fighter/Rogue/Ranger/Barbarian who is a minor god of death. Alone, he’s deadly. Among allies, he’s a black hole of deathness inspiring his comrades with his aura of Simply Being Conan.

When Conan hits 5th level he takes Satire of Bravery – a Close Blast Daily Power which damages foes simply for being close to him and being foolish enough not to run away. This is a Power shared only by Conan and Shatner, Conan’s long-lost descendant.

Finally, The mighty Conan the Bard reaches 6th level and takes the Inspiring Leader Feat. He’s now a Bard/Fighter/Rogue/Ranger/Barbarian/Warlord (Owwww!) – this is Conan the Reaver, Slayer, Warlord and destined to be King. Song of Conquest is his new Utility Power as his awesomeness inspires his comrades to new heights.

Arm him with a longsword, dress him in chainmail, and he’s done.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you……..

CONAN THE BARD!

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