Why is the Chainmail Bikini Pirate angry?

Tell me why, and win a prize.

But first, I’ll tell you why I think she’s angry. She angry because she wants to buy Arcane Power and get it as both a print book and a pdf, all at a reasonable price. She doesn’t want something that’s not a pdf. She wants the real thing, not a DRM crippled knockoff pdf wannabe. She wants her name watermarked in the bottom corner of each page too, because that proves it’s hers and stops those non-licensed pirates from taking what’s hers by right. And she wants the pdf to be a fair price, not the same cost as the print edition. Sell them as a bundle for a few dollars more, and she’ll be smiling not shouting.


The chainmail bikini pirate says screw you, Greg Leeds. She is your customer, and knows what she wants. If you want her hard earned dubloons, you’ll damned well give her that.

Soooo…… that’s why I think she’s angry. Now it’s your turn.

Tell me why the chainmail bikini pirate is angry, and the best one wins a real, honest-to-goodness print edition of Moldvay Edition red book D&D so you to can game like it’s Nineteen Eighty One too.

You know you want it.

Closing date is Saturday May 16th. Enter as many times as you like, but only your last one counts.

Over to you.

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47 Responses

  1. How do I enter? Post something here? Email you? Post it to my own blog? How? How? How?

    Dr. Checkmate the Covetouss last blog post..Talislanta? Really?

  2. Greywulf says:

    Doh! Guess I should have said that.

    Post in the comments, or post in your blog and put a link in the comments. Either is good.

  3. Tom says:

    Arr, pirates have no problem getting pdfs, me harties!! She’s angry that this damn chainmail chafes!! :)

    Sidenote: watermarks like that only catch foolish pirates – Fake name, visa gift card, coffee shop internet, useless watermark.

  4. @wulf: Thankyew… No chance of scoring that Greyhawk Gazeteer my… ahem… the prize is next to then? ;)

    @Tom: Wow. That is a far more motivated pirate than seems necessary, but I suppose.

    Dr. Checkmate the Covetouss last blog post..Talislanta? Really?

  5. Greywulf says:

    @Dr. Checkmate I’ll sell it to you :D Most of my 3e collection is going on ebay in the near future, so if you spot anything you want, just holler!

    @Tom That’s true, but I don’t care. Not my problem. I want to prove what’s mine is mine. If we all get into that mindset, then (and only then) will piracy end.

  6. Joshua says:

    Arrr, she be angry that lilly-livered landlubbers be giving piracy a bad name. Copying files ain’t a patch on the “sweet trade.” Iffen she wanted a billy-be-damned copy of Arcane Powers she and her hearties would hoist the Jolly Roger, grab Greg Leeds, slit his weasand, and take all the copies they wanted.

    Joshuas last blog post..Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Pile of Crap

  7. Mad Brew says:

    “If one more short hair gets caught in this damned chainmail bikini, I’m going to cut someone’s face off like it’s a Wizards’ yanking PDFs! Where’s my special chainmail bikini oil?!’

    Mad Brews last blog post..Villainous Vivisection

  8. Sadly, I am quite poor at the moment. It’ll be all I can do to scrape together the S&H after I win yer contest ;)

    However, pass along your ebay handle and I’ll give the auctions a look.

  9. Uhmmmm… I’m assuming my first attempt at linking to my entry got snagged by your processed canned meat filters.

    Well, this one has the link as my “website” and my latest post. SO, that ought to do.

    Captain Checkmate the Cockys last blog post..Chainmail Bikini Pirate

  10. She’s angry because piracy is only flourishing in the gulf of Arden and she feels like robbing the silver train, or sail to Guantánamo and free some prisoners. She’s angry because being a pirate these days involves starting special programs on your computer and getting sued by big corporations instead of fighting with a cutlass between your teeth, a pistol in each hand, and gunsmoke obscuring your sight. She’s angry because she’s an anachronism, misunderstood, and romanticized. Nobody understands piracy like they used to. Those were the days. 1881!

    Alex Schröders last blog post..Old School Discussion Elements

  11. Tom says:

    @wulf – heehee, yes I know it sounds crazy. The thing is its the uploader that gets in trouble, (almost)never the downloader. If you wanted to buy a copy to share, that’s the safe way to do it.

    Remember, you only need one “clean” copy to seed as a torrent or upload to mediafire, then everyone gets that one. The downloaders don’t have to go through any trouble at all, they just click a link. :)

  12. Roger says:

    Arrr, Blackbush the Pirate be angry because she was using dual scimitars before it was cool.

  13. drow says:

    She be spittin’ like a seasnake because the ninja’s been cheatin’ on her with the monkey.

  14. satyre says:

    Arrr, she be mad because the throne be a mite chilly this mornin’ if ye takes me meaning. That stone can’t be given any kind of warmin’ y’know.

    Those ninja scum at WotC aren’t going to win!

    satyres last blog post..torture – not fluffy bunnies

  15. Vulcan Stev says:

    She’s torked because her hubby the captain said he’d changed the lightbulbs before he left to plunder and pillage. Alas he did not, and now the entire hideout is lit only by the green disco ball they got during the raid on the USS Travolta

    Vulcan Stevs last blog post..Gaming in the Universe of…. The Watchmen Part 4: Nite Owl II

  16. Stuart says:

    She’s angry because she thought Pirates would look more like Johnny Depp and less like your average gamer.

    Stuarts last blog post..Expedition to the Ancient Academy Podcast – Part 6

  17. Swordgleam says:

    Yarr, she be all wrathful like on account ‘o there be no place on her outfit for those thar scimitars, so she has to be holdin’ them all the time and can’t pick anything up.

  18. Brendo_91 says:

    Arr, she be aggravated because green is an unflattering lighting colour for females.

  19. Anarkeith says:

    Uh, that amount of chainmail can’t possibly provide the advertised armor class of “chainmail” in the PHB. Yet she paid full price. When she gets her scimitars into the bloke that sold her the stuff, she’ll cut him to the quick, if you take my meaning.

  20. Alric says:

    She was in a fine good humor before the .pdf issue came to light, but the surliness incited by the .pdfs only increased when she learned that, in real life, she is Lorraine Williams.

  21. Helmsman says:

    You’re seriously giving that away for a pirate comment? I don’t have to attempt parkour in downtown New York with a pack of rabid hounds at my heels?


    Very well.

    She’s angry because SHE was doing the two-scimitar thing FIRST! Goddamit!

    Helmsmans last blog post..Coming Back to Alpha Omega

  22. Greywulf says:

    @Helmsman Yep. Seriously. No pack of rabid hounds needed. I’ve had orders to cut down my collection :D

    Keep ’em coming folks. Loving this!

  23. Questing GM says:

    She is angry ’cause there’s no treasure except a stone demonic throne and the limelight is on her.

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – 25/4/09

  24. Questing GM says:

    She’s mad because the chainmail bikini isn’t kinky enough.

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – 25/4/09

  25. Questing GM says:

    She’s mad because Pirate Power isn’t coming out until 2015. Damn Wizards.

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – 25/4/09

  26. Questing GM says:

    She’s mad because she got ninja’ed and stole her pants. Little did she know that he is hiding behind that throne.

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – 25/4/09

  27. Questing GM says:

    She’s mad because not only she can’t get a Moldvay red book D&D in pdf, she has to give one away. (or a Ninja stole it)

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – 25/4/09

  28. Christa says:

    I think she’s angry coz there’s too many men around and neither knows how the vacuum cleaner works :p

  29. Questing GM says:

    She’s mad because the wizards of the coast has just stepped into the business of distributing PDFs for free but also LEGALLY! (if I were a pirate, i would be really mad)

    Questing GMs last blog post..Word of Wizards – May Editorial Calendar

  30. Jerm says:

    The Chainmail Bikini Pirate was angry because she arrived at the party wearing her business casual chainmail bikini and every one else was in semi-formal wear, even though she had explicitly asked about the dress code the night before.

  31. Elton says:

    The Bikini Pirate is angry at the Wizards of the Coast. This is simply because the Wizards of the Coast keeps messing with her ships’ designs. The ship she’s on should have cannons, but they took the cannons away. The ship she’s on has big sails, but no galley crew to keep her ship going when the wind stops.

    And she’s hopping mad that the Wizards of the Coast has taken away her time to shine in the 2e supplement: “Of the Ships and the Sea.” After all, they won’t sell the book. And if no honest RPGers buy the book on PDF, she won’t have her time to shine.

    She’s an entity of nonexistence unless someone downloads her off a torrent along with the book she’s in. Her anger can only be quenched if she slits *all* the employees of the Wizards of the Coast’s throats!

    Eltons last blog post..Still Doing a Comic

  32. Macguffin says:

    She be mad as the geek stuffed into Davey Jones’ locker cause her eyes be up thar… If she wanted to be yer wench, she’d be workin’ at a tavern, lads. (That outfit had a different effect than the intimidating one she was hoping for…)

    Macguffins last blog post..Power Source Theory

  33. Macguffin says:

    er… make that “her eye be up thar”

    Macguffins last blog post..Power Source Theory

  34. Rev. Lazaro says:

    Yarr, she be mad because she woke up to find some “Net Squatters” had taken over her domain thanks to the lazyness of her ISP. Doing as any pirate would do in such a travesty, she grabbed her scimitars and headed out with a belch and a roar to handle this herself.

    Rev. Lazaros last blog post..Silly things I’d like to see 4E used for

  35. taichara says:

    Tchaa! Yon Chainmail Bikini Pirate is torqued off because of the dozens of blind and outwitted fools what calls themselves clever pirates! Because, y’see, the Chainmail Bikini Pirate is not a Chainmail Bikini Pirate at all, not on yer life! Though her ruffly pirate shirt be finest elven chain, and her leg-hugging boots be sheathed in gleaming silvery links — that be no bikini at all, let alone a chainmail bikini!

    Yes indeed, the Leather Knickers Pirate is right mad at being so misspoke, and she’s a scimitar for each o’ the eyes of the sorry scalawags to make such a landlubbin’ mistake!

    taicharas last blog post..Monster: Lurru

  36. Stargazer says:

    She’s angry because she had to fight hundreds of ninjas, evil monkeys, undead sailors and even an undead captain who called himself LeChuck and in the end all she got was that lousy t-shirt! (T-Shirt not shown in image because Chainmail Bikini Pirate Girl feels deeply ashamed!)

    Stargazers last blog post..Ad Astra: Starships using PDQ rules

  37. Caleb jensen says:

    “Not another $%#@%ing rust monster!”

  38. Aaron says:

    She’s angry because SOMEONE saw it fit to have her fill all sexist fantasy/pirate stereotypes by not fully clothing her.

  39. Rooster says:

    She’s not angry ’cause she still be sailin’ under the 3.5 rules, and some scallywag told her to take Two Weapon Fighting and Weapon Focus: Scimitar as feats, instead of the more flexible Power Attack & Cleave combo (after all, where is a pirate lass expected to get two magic scimitars when her landlubber DM say he be random rollin’ fer magic items?) No, Chainmail Bikini Pirate be angry because the know-it-all who advised her in her less than optimal feat choices be the same scurvy dog who TOOK HER LEFT EYE!

  40. With a look of agony and rage like that it could only be one thing… She arrived at the biggest Monster Slaying Bash of the year, dressed to impress, only to discover that she was wearing the EXACT SAME chainmail bikini as some other wench! *gasp* The boots, the snazzy red bandana, even the left-eye patch in black… oh the horror! What’s a scimitar-swingin’, dubloon savy gal to do? Well, from the look on her face I’d say she’s probably about to head over and perform some ‘alterations’ on the scurvy wench’s outfit. I hear peg-legs are in this season…

    Jennifer Posts last blog post..Happy Hearts and Tunnel Vision: A Return to Backposting, part 1

  41. Elda King says:

    She is not really angry. She is dancing at a 80’s disco…

  42. Greywulf says:


    Great entries, all. I’ll be announcing the winner in the next few days. Thanks, all!

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