Damn you, Gillette

For the past three months a Gillette Fusion has sat unused in our bathroom cupboard. Partly that’s because I’ve been using good old fashioned Bic razors just as nature intended, but mostly it’s because I had a deep-rooted hatred of Gillette’s advertising campaign.

Y’see, Gillette adverts fall into that category I call “lying to us”. They make it look like what the company do isn’t stick bits of sharp metal into bits of plastic all day long, but in fact invent cold fusion, run manned missions to Mars and generally act like they’re NASA with a bigger budget and cooler colour scheme. It’s something far too many “personal hygeine” companies fall into, and I Do Not Approve. After all, what’s the point of us telling our kids it’s wrong to lie when 15 minutes’ worth of adverts tell them the direct opposite? If I was King of the Universe, I’d pass an Absolute Truth In Advertising Law. “McDonalds: I’m Lovin’ It”. No, I’m not. Next!

But anyhow. Back to Gillette.

Today, for a change, I picked up that Gillette Fusion razor while showering. Best. Fucking. Shave. Ever.

I was wrong, and by now probably 80% of male readers (and a fair percentage of women too) are laughing at me for being so dumb and stupid all this time. Go ahead. I can take it. I’m a convert. Gillette are super-scientists who should be running NASA because of their leet putting-metal-into-plastic skillz. Their advert is pure, 100% true.

This will take you to Mars. Honest.

This will take you to Mars. Honest.

Damn you, Gillette.

(Incidentally, if anyone from Gillette feels the urge to send a few packs of blades my way, mail me! Thanks!)

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5 Responses

  1. Christa says:

    lol…I’ve heard you curse Gillette (and other brands of razors) since the day I came here…which is roughly 5 years ago now…and now you’re cursing them for being good?

    Yer never happy, are ya? ;)
    But yer smooth though :p

    follow @christastjean on twitter

  2. Dead Orcs says:

    LOL, Wulf…I’ve been using the Fusion now (in it’s various incarnations) for over 5 years now. While truly an arcane piece of technology (remember the magic item? A razor that would only cut hair, and not skin?); Gillette is very proud of that technology, and blades will cost you a bundle. Nearly $3.00 a blade here (and the minimum bundle is 4 blades). My Anna grumbles every time I have to buy a pack. And by the way, I use the Gillette Fusion Power. It has a little vibrator (insert joke here)installed that helps the beard hairs stand up (continue joke here).

    Good to see another disciple to the traditional (well sort, of) razor; instead of those high tech electric razors. Could never use one of those, felt like it was pulling out each hair one by one. I’d rather cut myself shaving that face that.

    And now I have exhausted all of my shaving voodoo.

    Oh wait. Be sure to use shaving gel, instead of foam (if you’re not already). Works loads better with the fusion (in my experience).

    Enjoy!

    Dead Orcss last blog post..Letting the Role Take Shape

  3. Blotz says:

    My wife works for P&G, who accquired/merged with Gillette 2 years ago. So I got my Fusion for free. Yet I still balk at the price of the blades and stick with my Mach 3 Turbo, whuch sounds like a race car doesn’t it?

    follow @blotzphoto on twitter

  4. Vulcan Stev says:

    When someone came up with idea of two blades on a razor instead of one, it was heralded with much fanfare. When another company produces a razor with three blades instead of two I began to wonder when it would stop. I seem to recall an SNL ‘commercial’ extolling the virtue of the 15 blade deluxe razor. The animation showed this razor nicking off the stubble, more stubble, peices of skin and finally stopping at the bone.

    Cut back to the male model who’s been replaced by a classroom skeleton in his clothes. A sexy woman comes in caresses the skull and proclaims in a bedroom voice “That’s smooth”

    follow @vulcanstev on twitter

    Vulcan Stevs last blog post..Gaming in the Universe of: The X-Files

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