AnElfInAGildedCage: If this isn't old-school D&D, I don't know what is

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Poser. Me.

A captive elf in a levitating egg-shaped gold cage underneath which flailing plant-like tentacles writhe.

Dude, if that’s not old-school D&D, I don’t know what is.

EP Farms (the place that hosts all our sites) was down for most of yesterday, which is very, very annoying to say the least. What’s made it even worse was that our broadband connection was being upgraded, and it looks like we’ll have three times our current speed (-ish) when it’s done, which is nice. I guess it’s just a case of taking the rough with the smooth. Ah well.

Meantime, I’ve been cursing Poser. It’s a brilliant app made worse because it runs on a memory crippled unstable pile of poop that’s laughingly called an Operating System. Yes, that’s a small dig at Windows. I know. The less said, the better.

However, I am in Windows whether I like it or not, meaning having to rely on all the cool tools this Operating System graciously provides. Like….. uh….. ummmm……. errrrr….. Oh yes – notepad.exe, the most crippled text editor on the planet. Ok, enough, Windows ripping. Really, I’m using wordpad, notepad’s infinitely superior big brother. It can handle files larger than 64k in size, rtf format and plain text, and is really pretty much all that a hardened text junkie needs to be able to put words on a page. Still, a spell checker would be nice but I guess we can’t have it all, eh?

Windows aside, the main annoyance with Poser is it’s Library. That’s the catalogue which stores your figures, props, lights, materials, etc ready for use. At least it would be, if by “catalogue” you actually mean “big unwieldy list of things sorted at the whim of the content creator”. Imagine if real-world libraries sorted books by putting them in one long line, ordered by whatever each particular book author wants, and you’ve got the idea. The Lord of the Rings would be filed under T for Tolkien, while Elric of Melnibone would go under F for Fantasy. Bookphiles, I hear you shudder and feel your pain.

It’s not just anarchy, it’s Bad Software Design, and that’s far worse.

What makes Poser’s Library even worse is that there’s no easy way to re-organize it without entering the depths of Explorer and manually moving things about. Except you can’t even do that, because Bad Things Happen with dependencies and whatnot. So you’re left with Big Long Lists and all you can do (all I’ve been able to do, at least) is keep a text file open to jot down where each figure, prop, etc is. By “Big Long List”, I mean it takes two whole minutes to scroll through it. Slowly, because Poser doesn’t even have the decency to use a draggable scrollbar for the list, instead grudgingly providing “up” and “down” arrows to navigate the content. It is, without doubt, the worst designed Library I’ve ever seen. And that includes the one at my old college.

The frustration is multiplied because Poser sometimes get it into it’s head to re-load the Library into memory when the link is clicked, meaning a three minute wait until it appears. Add that to two more minutes of scrolling if the item you want is close to the bottom, and that’s five minutes wasted just loking for a prop. Good workflow, I think not.

But anyhow. It’s a testament to just how good the rest of Poser is that I’m still using it, despite this gaping design fuck-up.

And long, I hope, do I plan to do so.

Oh, and it’s Christa’s birthday today. Stop by and tell her I sent ya! :)

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