FiveThingsIDontUnderstand:

Bah, humbug

  1. Rap – Strictly thinking, it’s not that I don’t understand it, but that it’s just rubbish. I’m talking about any song that contains “Uhhh”, “Yeh”, “C’mon”, a backing track that sounds like it’s come from a 1970’s computer game, samples from far better songs than the rapper could ever write in their entire lifetime, and women wearing more than their bodyweight in jewellery, yet can’t afford a decent pair of pants. It’s not sexy, not clever and definitely not music. The world would be a better place without the whole gangsta stereotype guncrime stuff too. But hey, what do I know? :)
  2. Abstract Advertising – I mean adverts that just make no sense, don’t tell us what they’re selling, contain more CGI than Shrek 2, and usually feature music by Bjork. They don’t sell, but they sure look pretty. Pretty forgettable, that is. Also in the list: Audi. OK, the ad says they’ve got more patents than NASA. Big deal. NASA made it to the moon. Audi sell cars. So, who’s the loser, loser? Oh, and the new Vauhxall Corsa ad featuring little woolly toys yelling “C’mon!” (there’s that word again). You just don’t get it do you, advertisers?
  3. Catherine Tate – The Hale & Pace of the modern age. She’s comedy, because we’re told she’s comedy; it’s laughter by peer pressure. Her characters can be funny. Once. After that, it’s time to move on. Am I bovvered? No, frankly.
  4. Reality TV – Are we so desperate for heroes that we’re willing to call anyone a “celeb” now, and idolise them to the point of buggery? Yep, ‘fraid so. Programs like “I want to be a celebrity, let me in” just feed the ego of the fragile, create monsters and we lap them up. It’s cheap-to-make TV at it’s worst. I’m still waiting for “Fame or Die” where contestants and locked in a house and viewers vote who’s going to be shot at the end of the week. Now that, I’d watch. I give it five years.
  5. Why Bush is free – The greatest mass murderer of the modern age is still at large and just as dangerous. Now the elections are over, someone in the US Government surely has enough balls to knock on the Whitehouse door with an arrest warrant. C’mon (that word again!), can anyone say “war crimes” and do something before he invades another country, tortures a few thousand more folks and kills another 100,000 children, just for kicks.

There. I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

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